Safeway

[redbike]

One day, Jack says to Mike 'My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!'

'Listen mate. Don't waste your time with doctors,' Mike replies. 'There's a diagnostic computer at Safeway. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five bucks....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Clubcard points'.

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Safeway. He puts in a fiver and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: 'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks'.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and 'pleasured himself' into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurried back to Safeway, eager to check what would happen, he poured in his concoction, and awaited the results with a grin. The computer prints the following:

1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better....

[jeffthemod]