Little humour to help you all with the realization that it's almost over for another year:
A man owned a small farm in Australia. The Tax Office claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.
'Well,' replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand thats been with me for 3 years. I pay him $500 a week plus free room and board. He also gets triple time for working on a Sunday and a slab of beer for a Happy Hour every Friday".
'The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $400 per week plus free room and board. She doesn't work on Sundays and I provide paid satellite television for free in her room.
'Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $20 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.
Christ, is that snow?
Moderator: Moderators
Her Diary vs His Diary
(Please accept my apologies in advance, JC)
HER DIARY:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY:
Motorcycle wouldn't start today, can't figure it out, but at least I got laid.
(Please accept my apologies in advance, JC)
HER DIARY:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY:
Motorcycle wouldn't start today, can't figure it out, but at least I got laid.
On a bitterly cold day several years ago in northern British Columbia, a RCMP constable on patrol came across a motorcyclist, who was swathed in protective clothing and helmet, stalled by the roadside. "What's the matter?" asked the policeman.
"Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply.
"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."
"Can't."
"OK, Watch me and I will show you."
The constable lubricated the carburetor, as promised. The bike started and the rider drove off, waving.
A few days later, the detachment office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorbike rider. It began: "On behalf of my daughter, who recently was stranded ...."
"Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply.
"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."
"Can't."
"OK, Watch me and I will show you."
The constable lubricated the carburetor, as promised. The bike started and the rider drove off, waving.
A few days later, the detachment office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorbike rider. It began: "On behalf of my daughter, who recently was stranded ...."